I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me.

I think Johnny Flynn is hot.
And he has a British accent.

it wears her out

The retro viruses were totally cool.

And the thing was, she reflected, that she didn’t really want to, anyhow. It wasn’t as if she didn’t care; she just did not want to. But people didn’t seem to understand. Whenever she filled up the lined yellowed pages of her huge purple notebook, whenever she spaced out in the middle of a crowd, whenever she felt like going to sleep forever just so she could be away from questions and prying eyes and people who unnecessarily bugged her, they looked at her as if she was crazy and talked about shrinks and psychiatrists.

They took her once.

They took her once and she hated the man from the moment she laid her eyes on him, from his fat blubbery lips to the three hairs pasted across the wide expanse of his bald head. He was methodological; he seemed to lack any real empathy. She hated him. He made her fill out a bunch of forms and she knew how it went, the whole charade and she ticked off the options she knew she was supposed to tick off. He told her to talk to him to tell him about what went on in her head. 

She hated hated hated him. 

You can’t imagine, she thought. You haven’t the slightest idea what goes on in my mind, and I won’t won’t let you in not ever you can’t get in there, never ever. She talked to him though. Because otherwise she wouldn’t have been allowed to leave. She told him what she wanted to hear, she knew how to deal with his sort; she knew how to tell them exactly what they wanted to hear, that she would work on it, that she was deeply depressed. They always pinned it all on her belonging to what they called a ‘broken family’ even though she couldn’t really see what was so broken about it, herself. She wasn’t the least bit bothered that her father had left her and her mother when she was six; she couldn’t care less not really. If he was as much of a moron as she remembered, they were better off without him. And really did it matter did it really? An ‘emotionally balanced upbringing’ was apparently not possible under these circumstances, but she didn’t really see how that was. Sarah from grade school had two moms and she turned out fine didn’t she. Fine by them. They didn’t try to take her afterwards. 

The shrink wrote her off as clinically depressed and gave her a plastic bottle full of pink pills that she was supposed to take once daily. They made her pleasantly drowsy so she once took three at the same time and spent the rest of the day in a pleasant stupor and when her mother found out she had to go to the hospital to have her stomach pumped and then the mother kept them locked in a drawer in her cupboard. 

She was understandably bummed. 

She just got one pill a day and she couldn’t even write; all she wanted to do was sleep all day because her brain felt suppressed, dull. 

She painted though in those days. She painted huge paintings with red slashes down their centers and strawberries for heads. She painted lion carcasses and orange war moons, and bloodbirds hovering above. She painted her socio teacher and how surprised he looked at finding himself in a roomful of adolescents not wanting to be there. She painted cans of apple juice. She painted worms rent with fury. 

She filled up pages upon pages and no one thought much of them just one boy the one with the clear sad brown eyes thought they were good except that he never said anything just looked and looked and never talked. She wished he would, wished that someone would make her feel better about herself instead of putting her down and criticizing and putting her under scrutiny for all the wrong reasons. She hated hated it all. She wished the world would make sense. She wished that it would make sense to her, that the weather should match her mood, that she shouldn’t always feel as if she was walking, trudging through a dream. 

She would like very much though to walk on air and consort with cloaked strangers who flew off with bursts of smoke. She wouldn’t mind having a pet dragon to fly on to roar with when she was madder than mad. She wouldn’t mind having tea with the Hatter. She wouldn’t mind if the trees bleeded their colours onto the pavement and people slipped in it and rolled themselves into green gravel coated delicacies ready for frying. She wouldn’t mind if the whole world was under the scrutiny of some giant unknown creatures working for the greater good. 

She wouldn’t mind, no, not at all. 

Not at all.

khanay walon ko khanay ka bahana chahiye :D

Food. Food is awesome.

The best kind of food, obviously, is of the free variety. The sort you get at weddings, ufff. Matlab keh uffff. Nothing like mountains of artery-clogging, ulcer-inducing cheap food cooked in diesel. Wah wah wah. Also the sort you get when someone's treating you on their birthday.

LAWL.

Then there is of course comfort food. I've heard people say that comfort food is a myth. I tell them screw you, live and let live you party poopers. If someone feels better if they eat three glazed donuts in a row just because they feel down, LET THEM.

And then, And then. There is food sneaked in the middle of the night. Food that you suddenly get a craving for, and then you go steal it from the fridge nasty and cold but it's totally worth it. I was once caught wolfing down biryani by the spoonful at four in the morning by my paternal aunt. Now Phuphoo already thinks I'm weird ( I dunno, I just know she does, for some odd reason.. :D) and OMG the look she gave me was just epic.

I also like sneaking ice cream out of the freezer at night.

I also like eating Everyday. Yes, Everyday. The tea whitener. And yes, eating. I eat actual spoonfuls of the stuff and it's actually pretty good. Kind of gross at first but good :D


HAHAA. I have probably totally grossed you out by now. But IDC. ^^

annoying log.

Hahaha look what I found :D

I wrote this agess back, must've been pretty pissed at that time.

It's a list of the sort of people who annoy me XD

1. People (especially fat aunties) who practically bulldoze you over at weddings so that they can get to the food first. In the case of the aunties, this can be rather painful, owing to the fact that they are sticking their bejeweled bent arms out, and are wearing clothes with so much embroidery on them that they resemble chain mail. They usually then proceed to pile their plates so high with botian (kukkar ho to best hai!); they would put Mt Everest to shame.

2. People who, in broad daylight, wear sunglasses. These are usually the Gucci (pronounced ‘guski’)/Armani/Ray Ban imitations you can get by paying fifty rupees to a roadside stall vendor (available in all colours.). Especially annoying if you are trying to talk to the person in question, and cannot see their eyes. Due to obvious reasons.

3. The salesmen in practically all types of stores, from places selling CDs to books to ketchup, who follow you around the whole goddamn, hanging around at the end of the aisle and staring at you, apparently trying to make sure you do not steal anything. Yes, my sole purpose in life is to shove a roll of toilet paper up my sweater and run out of the store without getting caught. In fact, it's the reason I was born. I've been getting special training for it since I was two months old! :/

4. People, in buses and various other means of public transport, who like to discuss their business deals on their mobile phones at the top of their voices so the whole world can hear. They simply cannot understand the fact that their fellow passengers may not want to know how much they are selling their piece of land on the suburbs of Gut Wala for! Matlab seriously, dude, keep it down!

5. Persons in buses (usually seated right in front of you) who like to recline their seats as far back as possible and then incessantly move about, trying to get comfortable while you are smushed up in the back, thinking what a significant amount of effort it is taking to draw in breaths. It is also particularly unfortunate if they happen to frequently break wind..

6. People who have extremely bright white headlights fitted in their cars and enjoy turning them up and flashing them in your eyes at night when you are passing them from the opposite direction, making it virtually impossible for you to see where you are going. Shoday kahin key.

7. Aunties and uncles who come to visit with their bratty children, and tell them to go and play with ‘behna’ (the horror) or ‘bhai’. They then proceed to ruin your belongings, and yell for mumsy if you refuse to give them something in particular. Such as your cellphone. Or your laptop. 

8. People who tell you the life history of all their family and extended-family members and then expect you to remember What Gondal Uncle Said On Lala Bhai’s Wedding. When you fail to answer (which is very likely) they refuse to talk to you for weeks. Good riddance.

9. The 'photographers' that have suddenly started popping up on Facebook. Seriously, taking pictures with a DSLR and making them go a little blurry at the edges does not make you a photographer. Please stop.

dory.

Gilly little fish floating around

Fish colorful and fish wasting their lives away and fish sad

They looked at me weird, looked at me like I was the one out of place not them

I looked back and told them that soon they would be coated in cornmeal and fried

They were horrified

Mr. Bastard.

My dad knows someone called Mr. Bastard.


When he told us yesterday I was all LAWL WHUTT ABBU. And I was, like totally ROFLMAO.


Well, not really, but yeah. Funny it was. Apparently it's pronounced 'Bast-uh'. 


Poor guy :D


SOO I AM FINALLY DUNZ WITH EXAMS AND UNIVERSITY INTERVIEWS AND SHIZZ AND YAY I CAN NOW WASTE TIME GUILTLESSLY! :D


Oh the other day Ammi got me my favourite cereal (Koko Krunch ^^) and I haz obtained a free Rio ki game ki CD! Free things are the best right.


HURR-YAYYY.


Why am I even writing this? 


I don't know, no not really. But the thing is, I shall be posting regularly now, so watch out bitchezz.


I shall leave you with a song (WTF do I think I am? A Radio Jockey? HMPH). It's by Radiohead. I love Radiohead. Radiohead is the best. Radiohead is totally kewllxx. 


Has anyone noticed the HUGE mosquitoes flying around in Islamabad these days? No? I didn't think so. I don't think any of you live in Islamabad.
THEY'RE SO BIG I SWEAR THEY'RE ON STEROIDS MANNN :O :O 


Okay I'll STFU now. Enjway ze saang, plzzzzzzzzzxxx:

Man. My mother is singing weird old Punjabi songs in a high pitched voice just to annoy me. Uff.


Khair.


LATORZ! :D

I hate it when the earphones stop working when I'm listening to doom metal because I'm feeling suicidal.

Kills the mood.

Fuck them.