jashne azadi ke khasoosi moqay par, laado sabun ke tamam sarifeen ko dilli eid mubarik!

Yeah, so it's Choda Agasst.

(aghast! alas!)

If I say something, I'll come across sounding like a cynical old fart, so let's just listen to this excellent song and forget Meera Patti ever existed.

So kewls right.

sleep.

I absolutely hate it when someone wakes me up before I plan to. It's not right. It's criminal. It's wrong. I want to give the person who does the waking-up a good bashing. The only good way to wake a person up is by tickling them. That's what my mother does anyway.

Ha.

Today was no different. Now since I have a few days of summer vacation left, I would very much like it if I could sleep to my heart’s content.

But NO. WHY would anyone let me sleep?

The 'anyone' in question here: My maasi.

Now she's a nice person and all, and I usually don't mind her cleaning my room, she's just doing her job right?

But on mornings when I plan to sleep in, she is the most foul and villainous of all creatures to EVER have existed. Ever.

I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why.

I sleep like an absolute ass. And if someone disturbs me all I want to do is throw a big tantrum and bawl like a baby. So every morning, while I am blissfully drooling all over my pillow enjoying my slumber, BANG opens the door and the light starts to suddenly stream in. My first reaction is to recoil, shrink away from it as if I am a vampire who shall crumble if exposed to light.

(It burnsss uss, it burnsss ussssss!)

Wait that's Gollum. Ah well.


All I can see through my sleep hazed eyes is a shadowy silhouette of Amazonian proportions, the figure of a big-bosomed woman wielding her trusty jharoo high. And first thing she does is turn the damn fan off. Now summers here in Pakistan are very hot. Extremely hot. If you don't bathe everyday, soon you'll start smelling like a sardine that has gone to rot.  

But I digress. 

The point is, it's so hot that without any sort of circulation of the air around you, you start to feel suffocated. And that, my friends, is not a good feeling at all. Now since, thanks to loadshedding, the AC hasn't been on the whole night, the room is already starting to get uncomfortable. I start squirm and roll around in my comforter, and the snowy mountains in my dreams start spouting lava.

So along comes the villainous maasi and she turns the flipping fan off.

Then she flings the door open so all the lovely cool air inside goes gushing out out out and then she enters the room, and starts pulling various chaddars from underneath me, chaddars to fold. She is, during the course of the entire operation, waving her dusty jharroo over my head so I receive a generous showering of happy little dust bunnies. I scrunch up my nose and fidget and turn and try to go back to sleep again but NO she won't let that happen. I am forced to wake up and stumble out of the room zombie style and go try to throw a hissy fit in front of my mother who has been up for several hours now and is in no mood to baby me.

Sigh. And double sigh.

I think I’ll have to resort to locking my room from the inside.

annoying log.

Hahaha look what I found :D

I wrote this agess back, must've been pretty pissed at that time.

It's a list of the sort of people who annoy me XD

1. People (especially fat aunties) who practically bulldoze you over at weddings so that they can get to the food first. In the case of the aunties, this can be rather painful, owing to the fact that they are sticking their bejeweled bent arms out, and are wearing clothes with so much embroidery on them that they resemble chain mail. They usually then proceed to pile their plates so high with botian (kukkar ho to best hai!); they would put Mt Everest to shame.

2. People who, in broad daylight, wear sunglasses. These are usually the Gucci (pronounced ‘guski’)/Armani/Ray Ban imitations you can get by paying fifty rupees to a roadside stall vendor (available in all colours.). Especially annoying if you are trying to talk to the person in question, and cannot see their eyes. Due to obvious reasons.

3. The salesmen in practically all types of stores, from places selling CDs to books to ketchup, who follow you around the whole goddamn, hanging around at the end of the aisle and staring at you, apparently trying to make sure you do not steal anything. Yes, my sole purpose in life is to shove a roll of toilet paper up my sweater and run out of the store without getting caught. In fact, it's the reason I was born. I've been getting special training for it since I was two months old! :/

4. People, in buses and various other means of public transport, who like to discuss their business deals on their mobile phones at the top of their voices so the whole world can hear. They simply cannot understand the fact that their fellow passengers may not want to know how much they are selling their piece of land on the suburbs of Gut Wala for! Matlab seriously, dude, keep it down!

5. Persons in buses (usually seated right in front of you) who like to recline their seats as far back as possible and then incessantly move about, trying to get comfortable while you are smushed up in the back, thinking what a significant amount of effort it is taking to draw in breaths. It is also particularly unfortunate if they happen to frequently break wind..

6. People who have extremely bright white headlights fitted in their cars and enjoy turning them up and flashing them in your eyes at night when you are passing them from the opposite direction, making it virtually impossible for you to see where you are going. Shoday kahin key.

7. Aunties and uncles who come to visit with their bratty children, and tell them to go and play with ‘behna’ (the horror) or ‘bhai’. They then proceed to ruin your belongings, and yell for mumsy if you refuse to give them something in particular. Such as your cellphone. Or your laptop. 

8. People who tell you the life history of all their family and extended-family members and then expect you to remember What Gondal Uncle Said On Lala Bhai’s Wedding. When you fail to answer (which is very likely) they refuse to talk to you for weeks. Good riddance.

9. The 'photographers' that have suddenly started popping up on Facebook. Seriously, taking pictures with a DSLR and making them go a little blurry at the edges does not make you a photographer. Please stop.